The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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