fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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