I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
