So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Every concussion has its silver lining
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
