Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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