This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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