So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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