The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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