is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
