i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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