no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
