so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
