i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
