my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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