Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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