Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
