You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
