were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
