i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
