How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
