I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
