I will die if light touches me.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
