So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
