you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
