I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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