I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
