tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You've changed since you got that strap on
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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