I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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