I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
