Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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