cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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