Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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