Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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