please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I need to stop coming to work sober
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i've created a new STD.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
