I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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