if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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