i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
