Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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