Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
