i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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