God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
