is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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