If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
