alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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