Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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