So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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