I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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