I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
