the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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