You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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