I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
