I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
