My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
