He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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