Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
