How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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