Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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