STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
