He disabled his match.com account in front of me
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
