I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
