the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
