If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He passed out mid-signature
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
