bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
