I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
