Can i not drive my cunt home
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Come on in and take your pants off
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