Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize