Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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