He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i think my cat just said my name.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
