last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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