I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
