for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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