True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
