physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
