I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
