pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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