just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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