It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize