the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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