How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
