Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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