its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
