doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
A+ Viking dick
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize