You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I will be naked everywhere
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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